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I’ve written quite a bit on the type of love that’s worth waiting for, but one thing needs to be clear: singleness isn’t just a stage to prepare for a relationship or marriage (though it can be, provided that marriage is your vocation). Rather, it is much more; singleness carries a beauty and purpose of its OWN. This is what needs to be discovered.
Mesmerized by the idea of love and relationships, it’s tempting to view our singleness as a temporary waiting period to “endure” until “something better” rolls around. We wind up unintentionally treating it like some curse, a disease to be cured, a ‘state of life’ brought about by our inadequacies. We conclude that if we weren’t inadequate, we wouldn’t be single, right? We wind up asking God why He hasn’t given us the relationships we desire yet. We end up haunted by the feeling that we are not currently where we should be.
But let me tell you something: You are exactly where you need to be. You are single because you need to be. Singleness is not God’s punishment to you; it’s a gift. You have a purpose. It’s not just a ‘default setting’ like the world tempts you to believe. It’s a stage God gave you with intention. It’s not the sign of a person who’s ran out of options; it’s the door to a wide array of options. But most of us are so focused on desperately knocking on the door of relationships that we don’t even realize other doors that are waiting to be explored; they, along with God’s plans for us, remain untouched. How unfortunate is that?
Examining the ratio between marriage and singleness in the span of our entire lives, singleness occupies only a small fraction of it (assuming, again, that we’re called to the vocation of marriage). This small fraction needs to be made the most out of; it’s only there for a short while.
SEEING THE BEAUTY …
The beauty of marriage is getting to share your life with someone else completely, putting their needs above your own, and nurturing your children to become the men/women God calls them to be.
But singleness is a unique time to focus on the self–on who God wants you to be, specifically. It’s a time to figure out your life’s purpose, to devote all your time, energy, attention, and devotion to whatever that is. As St. Catherine of Sienna said: “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” Singleness is a time to do that. It’s a time to set the world on fire in the way that you are uniquely called to, to run head-on towards the mission He has given you.
Rather than asking God why you are not yet in a relationship, ask Him why you are single and what to do with that singleness. Pray for the wisdom and courage to become who He wants you to be. Stop worrying about the future and what you don’t ‘have’ yet, and enjoy the present moment! There is so much in front of you at this moment in time; stop waiting for ‘better times’ to come around and realize that they have already arrived. Get creative and be excited. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
As a fellow sister in Christ said last weekend, “I am alone, but not lonely.” Make that your truth too.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 // Isiah 40:31
WHERE ‘YOU’ COME IN …
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This is so awesome. Thanks for the insight and putting a good perspective to singleness. For making me realize that the better times I had been waiting for have actually come around! God bless.
Singleness is definitely a Curse for me as a man looking for a good woman to share my life with. And who would ever want to be all Alone? Certainly Not Me.
Aww, it's true.. singleness can be challenging, and it's definitely not good for anyone to be alone! But the great thing is that being single doesn't necessarily mean we are fully 'alone' — there are so many others we can share our lives with, such as family, friends, etc. Good company doesn't have to be restricted to 'romantic relationships' in order to be fulfilling 🙂 Wishing you the best!
Thank you very much for your support.
Why there are so many of us good single men today is that with so many women now that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy is a very good reason as to why we're single today. And today many women just Can't accept us men for who we're since so many women today are making so much more Money than us, and many of the women now want the Best and won't settle for Less.
Hi there! First of all, thanks for your input. You make a really great point: men are human too, and unconditional love means accepting them for who they are, flaws included. I still do believe that women shouldn't settle for less. But what I mean by the “best” does not mean someone “perfect” — otherwise we'd be searching forever but to no avail. Rather, not setting for less than the best means choosing a man who exemplifies the love of God through his humanness and is therefore able love a woman fully we rightfully deserve. God bless!
To Celine Diaz, as yo can see the times have really changed today when years ago it was so much easier finding love just like our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles did. And with the help of their friends and family made it much easier for them which today there are really no more church dances other than the bar scene that really stinks out there which it is a very poor way to meet someone today, and it makes me wish that had i been born much earlier which would've made it much easier for me finding love and having a family of my own which i still don't have today. Can't really blame myself since i didn't do anything wrong on my part, and many of my other friends today do feel the same way. Most women have really changed since many of them are pretty much married to their job which seems more important for them instead of meeting so many good men like us, and it is very hard for many women today to accept us men for who we're since we don't make the kind of money that their making today. So you can see that i have really made a good honest point. Well thank you very much for your support, and God bless.